Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.

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(727): View more from Florida

she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.

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(503): View more from Oregon

A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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(727): View more from Florida

I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You almost got us killed.

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.

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