dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
