Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
