i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
