I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
