Kiss
Puke
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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