His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
