I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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