You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
