I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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