We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
