its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
