fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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