Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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