Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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