Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
