Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
