So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
