just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
