i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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