I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
