Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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