just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
