end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
