Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
