I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
