so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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