Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
