I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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