Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
