If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
