As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
