Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
