Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
