I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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