Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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