Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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