If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
