this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
