dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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