She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
