I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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