In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
