i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
