Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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