So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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