remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
