I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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