Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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