so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
