Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
